WritingsPosted by Roadbloc Mon, December 05, 2016 12:18:35
to be writing from the heart here. Not exactly an easy thing for me to do. I
usually wrap my heart in bubble-wrap and forget it exists. But one thing is for
sure, I cannot continue the way I am doing. I'm actually trembling as I write this. This is a hard post to make.
The first thing to be clear about is don't worry about The Mystery of Robot
Planet, my video game project. Progress, albeit slow, is happening, and with
continued work there will deffo be something to show from it all in a couple of
years time. I will say though, writing a video game is harder than I expected.
Much harder than writing a book. I didn't realise how much work is involved
when you're the only person working on a video game. I should have, I'm a big
fan of video games and have always been developing things on and off, but when
you're romanticising an idea in your head it is easy to overlook things. Either
way, the development TMORP should not be effected.
The real issue, is that I've been increasingly uncomfortable in my own body.
After nearly 24 years of being generally okay with being male and straight, my
feelings have done a random u-turn, something I didn't think was really
possible. At first I thought I was just getting depressed or something. I'd
just come back from a great holiday and once again found myself in my day job
that isn't exactly the most thrilling thing on this planet. I figured a couple
of weeks back into my sad old routine and I'd be back to normal.
That, regretfully, was not the case.
I found my mind slipping into a constant thought cycle of how shit I thought I
was. I hated my appearance all of sudden. I mean, I know I'm not exactly the
best looking person ever and I've always been okay with that, I wouldn't want
to be Mr Universe, especially not now anyways. But I never actively hated the
way I looked, I actually never cared before. Well now it seems I do. I care. I
care so much.
Jealousy is an emotion I've never recognise at first. It usually just makes me
angry but it takes me a while to figure out it’s actually jealousy's doing. And
after a few days I realised why I was getting jealous around girls. It wasn't
because I wanted to sleep with them or whatever. I was jealous of their clothes
and their make-up. I wanted to look just as great as them. When I figured this
out I think I laughed for about ten minutes. A year ago, thinking such things
would have been laughable. Hence why I laughed. It wasn't a happy laugh. It was
a 'what-the-fuck-is-happening-to-me?' laugh. I didn’t recognise myself anymore
and it felt truly awful.
was the attraction to guys. All of a sudden I’d be going weak at the knees (I
know right) at the sight of some. Some nights I’d be laughing at the madness of
it all. Other nights I’d be crying. Other nights I’d just want to destroy stuff
(thank you Doom 4). I’d be hot and then cold. Angry then sad then back to angry
again. It was safe to say my head was a mess.
understand I’m speaking in past tense here, like it is all behind me or
something. But it isn’t. It really isn’t. If anything, it has only just
started. But one thing is for sure, I cannot live the lie I currently am doing.
It is time I admitted my issues to the world.
There is no
way I can continue to identify as a guy anymore. Or at least at the moment. Local
rumours have been spreading or at least according to one of my mates they have
and it isn’t surprising to why (not that I care what they’re saying or
thinking). My behaviour as of late has no doubt baffled them who haven’t
figured it out yet. Strange bitflipping moods, weird and suggestive facebook
posts and the silences/verbal abuse that followed peoples questions. I’m sorry
okay. I’m sorry to you all that I’ve berated or confused or whatever. And lied
to. I don’t mean it and I really need to stop abusing those close to me in
times like this because the reality is I need you all more than ever. Please
How long I
will be like this is also a mystery. I’m consciously aware that since I’ve
recently u-turned, it is theoretically possible that it could happen again. I’m
hoping not despite everything. I don’t want to go through this again.
If you read
this page and a half of rambling nonsense, thanks I guess and I hope you
wanna be a girl now. Also I’m bisexual. Get over it.
WritingsPosted by Roadbloc Sat, May 21, 2016 11:38:24
As of today I will be winding down my writing projects to focus on a video game project I've been working on and off on for a while now. I've spent the last six months writing a game engine in my spare time and now I need to make some actual game content for it.
The game is to be an adventure game, sort of a spiritual successor to the 90s point and click adventure games in a gameboy-esske visual style. I'm hoping to have three separate campaigns available to players depending on the choices they make within the game.
Whereas I've written several video games before, they were shit and often badly planned.
Or just crazy text adventures that nobody would play. Since I have three books published now and have always wanted to try my hand at video games, I've decided now is the time. I'm going to finally fulfill my dream of making a video game.
Expected release year is 2018. It is going to take a long time to create all the content needed. Coding an engine is just the start of it, now is the time for the creation of art assets, sound and music files and data files for the engine to work on. I'm determined to make it a quality product, even if it does have an old-school vibe to it. At the end of the day, a AAA publisher could shit out what I'm doing in a week probably. But since I'm by myself on this (none of my friends seem interested in helping create it with me which is a shame), it'll take me a while to make. Once again, I'll need patience and determination. And once again, I'll be working pretty much full-time throughout all this.
I'm hoping it'll be good enough to sell on Steam. I'll probably have to put it through Greenlight where the rest of the games nobody asked for belong. I'll make it cheap though, I think £3-£5 is a reasonable price, especially if the three separate campaigns idea works out. We'll see.
The engine is pretty much complete although some features will be fleshed out and expanded upon. If you want to see a playable demo I created, click here.
It is a short campaign demonstrating the engine features and player mechanics and is comprised of twelve maps. Make sure you read the thread first though. :)
MoaningsPosted by Roadbloc Mon, April 18, 2016 12:55:01
I like Deftones. Well, most of the time.
They have a horrible habit of doing amazing things in some albums (Adrenaline,
Around the Fur, White Pony, Diamond Eyes, Koi No Yokan) and then in others they
seems to just give up and play some shit that’s just plain painful to listen to
(I'm looking at you Saturday Night Wrist and that God awful self-titled album).
Anyway, they've done a new album called Gore and I'm now going to decide which
category this album falls under.
Absolutely the shit category. There, that
didn't take me long. And believe me, I do not state this with joy. After the
joys of Diamond Eyes and Koi No Yokan I was hoping these guys were back on
track after their two-album wobble. This is not the case.
Put simply, Gore is the worst Deftones album
yet. The most painful to listen to of them all. Guitars blindly screech and
wail for forty-eight merciless minutes as Chino Moreno moans and screams
hollowly over the top. Mostly slow, dissonant and without structure, this album
truly is the aural equivalent of drowning in tar. The only song worthy of
praise has to be Doomed User, which takes us back to the You've Seen The
Butcher vibe but without the kickass chorus. Or kickass verse for that matter.
Geometric Headdress has some decent moments, but is overall lacking in
substance just like the rest of the album.
Gore is without energy. It is without
power. It is without the crunch. Without the umph, the get-up-and-go and the
sheer unstoppable sound that made me like Deftones. Gore is just loud. And
turning up the volume on shit like this is just announcing you're shit to the
If, by any chance, you're a terrorist
interrogator for a government funded military prison or whatever, you may want
to consider purchasing a copy of Gore for torture purposes. It would save on water
and would probably turn out better results. I want to know what happened to
Deftones between Koi No Yokan and this disc full of dredge they call music. Did
their balls drop off or something? Did they forget how to play their
instruments? When listening to this before it was mastered and burned to disc,
were they happy with what they had produced? I certainly wouldn't be.
If you're new to Deftones and want a decent
album that really shows their best, get a copy of Around The Fur. Don't buy or
listen to this trash. And shape up Deftones for the fucks sake, it's not good
when the best thing on your album is the damn cover. I was really looking
forward to Gore and you guys have left me frustrated and angry. Just like my
last hooker. Dicks.
RantingsPosted by Roadbloc Mon, April 11, 2016 10:09:25
I love Baldur's Gate. My cousin and I play
the multiplayer extensively. However, recently, the developers who go by the
name of Beamdog have simultaneously updated and ruined this 18 year old
classic. So this is an open letter to those employed there.
RETRACT THE APPAULING UPDATE! FOR THE LOVE
OF SHIT PLEASE JUST DOWNGRADE BACK TO THE OLD VERSION THAT WORKED!
MoaningsPosted by Roadbloc Tue, April 05, 2016 11:09:05
The Qemists jumped into the world on top
form. Their first album, Join The Q, was pure audio gold with its perfect blend
of electronic and rock, all topped off with fantastic guest singers. However,
when it came to their second album, Spirit In The System, things were pretty
much the opposite. They had fallen on their own hurdles, creating forty-three
minutes of audio garbage. It was amazing to see a group that had come out
swinging so strong to crumble and create an album that was on the verge of
being both boring and painful to listen to.
Just for clarity, The Qemists are an
electronic rock group, their music being close to that of The Prodigy or
Pendulum. But better. And more exciting. If you listen to their first album
that is. Seriously, stop reading this shit review and listen to Join The Q if
you haven't already. You owe it to yourself.
Anyway, I was certain the group was a trio,
at least originally anyway, but now looking at their Wikipedia page, they have
five members with one member behind them already. And a new album! It's called
Warrior Sound and I really do hope they've done a good job.
Well, they have. Warrior Sound is instantly
better than Spirit In The System. After a short spoken word intro with some
music stuff going on in the background, we get kicked straight into Jungle, a
track that defiantly sets the scene for what you're in for in the rest of the
album. Drum and bassy, fast, loud guitars and rebellious and defiant lyrics.
Gone is the electronic padding and faff of Spirit In The System, introduce
yourself to neck-snapping beats, riffs and lyrics. And make sure you get
acquainted good because they're not going away. Overall the album feels much
more alive than Spirit In The System, it feels more dangerous, insurgent even.
As much as it is a gift to society, it's also a middle finger riding into the
sunset well over the speed limit.
Warrior Sound doesn't begin to unravel
until you start comparing it to Join The Q. Surprisingly, they're not similar
albums. If I was to describe the albums in colours, Warrior Sound would get a
neon blue or green. Join The Q however would get every neon colour in the
spectrum. And that's because Join The Q is simply much more musically
colourful. There is a lot more variety. Every song sounds different and stands
up on its own merits. In Warrior Sound however, every song begins to sound the
same. After a few listens I wasn't even realising when tracks changed, the
songs seemingly bleed into one another, not because they do, but because they
sound so similar. Sure, there is a shot of adrenaline in Warrior Sound that
seems to be missing from a few of the tracks in Join The Q, but it has less
substance, an overall thinner sound. More umph, but less smoke blow into your
face on take off. Honestly, when compared to Join The Q, Warrior Sound seems… disappointing.
But when compared to Spirit In The System, it’s
a definite improvement, without a doubt. It's just a shame they weren’t able to
top Join The Q, a task that is looking increasingly difficult for the band to
pull off. Either way, Warrior Sound is undoubtedly a step in the right
direction. Hopefully next time lads, you can pull it off. Whatever you do,
don't let your label fuck you up. Don't let them run you. Don't let them run
you. Don't let them run you. Don't let them run you.
Rest assured, Warrior Sound gets a place in
my music collection. It's a good album. Verging on brilliant at times. I recommend.
MoaningsPosted by Roadbloc Wed, March 02, 2016 12:13:31
"I know, I know, I shouldn't even bother with these gossiping, no-pussy getting bloggers."
Let's face it Kanye, without these gossiping, no-pussy getting bloggers, you wouldn't really be famous. 'Yeezus' had me confused, wondering if it was the work of genius or the work of a talentless attention whore. 'The Life of Pablo' answers this question and it is definitely the latter. Disjointed, dysfunctional, depressing are just three words beginning with D that I'd use to describe this album. It is slightly impressive Kanye seems to change his style with nearly every album, and the church choir theme has some interesting moments. But they are only that, mere moments. Kanye spouts his verbal garbage, lyrics only intended to shock, insult and commend himself literally the entire album. Unlike 'Yeezus' which seemed fresh and exciting, 'TLOP' is dull dull boring dull dull garbage shit dull. And just take a look at that cover. What the actual fuck? Look at it! I've seen two year old's finger paint with feces with more talent!
Which just pretty much proves it is not about the music anymore. How could it be? He releases it exclusivity on an unknown corner of the internet and expects people not to pirate it? Comes out with garbage on how he's millions in debt, Mark Suckerberg should bail him out and how he's going to sue Pirate Bay because the exclusive deal flopped? And now he's posting screenshots of his laptop with Pirate Bay tabs open? This is nothing but bait for the gossiping, no-pussy getting bloggers dickhead, the very thing that keeps you a talking point in the eyes of the public.
Why doesn't Taylor Swift just shit on this guy's head whilst he sleeps? I'm sure it's tempting to her, but honestly, she's doing the right thing right now and that is NOTHING. She is seemingly ignoring him. And that is the only way we can get rid of Kanye, his crap music and his asinine statements. Because its the gossiping. no-pussy getting bloggers like me that ignites discussion. And now he's throwing the very people that define his career under the coals.
I don't believe Kanye on any of his claims and I think everything he has done surrounding and in the album has been nothing but an attempt to receive attention, no matter what. And that is why I will not be reviewing any of his albums again, it is not about the music but the hype and the hastags. And I don't want to be part of the making of his career, discussing controversy over things he says in his so-called music. He's full of shit, sometimes by his own admission. And if he told me the sky was blue, I'd take a look out the window to fucking double check.
UPDATE:- It appears Kanye has updated Life of Pablo, making changes to
songs post-release. Well done dillweed, you’ve made the first ever Early Access
album. I did wonder why a lot of the music appeared to be missing from the
WritingsPosted by Roadbloc Tue, February 16, 2016 19:12:10
A few announcements. First, my next book, ONE BRAIN CELL
is now available for pre-order. Digital copies as always are 69p (99c) and it is to be released on many many ebook services (pretty much them all except Google Books) on the 31st of March 2016. Physical copies are in the works and hopefully will be available the same day.
Second announcement; the third redesign of my website
is now live. It sports a much more simple and better looking design. I'd say check it out, but honestly, it isn't much.
Finally its been a while since I've updated my blog. Been quite busy writing One Brain Cell recently, however I have a few albums in mind I can rant about next. Watch this space. :)
MoaningsPosted by Roadbloc Wed, September 09, 2015 09:24:44
Lawl. JME. If there is anyone who is
'serious' about the grime scene, it's apparently him. Forever in the shadow of
his brother Skepta, this member of Boy Better Know did a decent debut effort
called 'Famous?' and then a follow up piece of trash called 'Blam!' where he
just used his microphone to big himself up without actually having proven
himself first. It came across as weak and big headed.
Anyway, it turns out this very serious
Nigerian with a degree, an older brother and a habit of running his mouth on
his songs has done another album, this time called 'Integrity,' a word I'm not
sure that JME understands. And God help my ears because I'm going to try and review it.
'Pulse 8' is the first track. And it is
here we clearly hear a return of JME's junior school production style. Samples
most likely just taken straight from free sound libraries or the junk that
comes with DAW software are prominent just like in his previous albums. There
is a certain slight improvement in his production, an added shine and extra
depth in his music, but not much. I bet JME learned how to make music on that
Nintendo GameBoy Camera. Not that there is anything wrong with it, I did the
exactly the same. I just moved on to Pro-Tools when I went to college. It
sounds like JME stuck to Fruity Loops. It's rare I even mention what they may
have learned from in the past since it rarely matters, but it is still clear in
JME's music. I don't think he's even ready to make music yet, but oh well, this
is the product of a digital age just like me and I doubt I'm even ready to
write a serious review yet.
"One take!" JME boasts proudly at
the end of '96 F**kries' (should it be 96 Fuckries?), after a nearly full first
verse of rhyming 'E' with 'E' and the rest of the song boasting about…um… how
he doesn't own a BlackBerry and other random stuff that has little relevance.
This is encroaching upon 'Blam!' territory once again, the shameless bigging up
without any substance to prove any worth. One fucking take? Doesn't mean shit.
Limp Bizkit recorded the song 'Stuck' on their first album in one take. And
that's Limp Bizkit. Do you want to be on a par with Fred Durst, JME?
Now 'Work' is an interesting song. If
you're a jobless benefit scrounger with ten kids that is. I feel insulted being
handed these petty bars, these petty junior school lessons he's teaching me,
all based on what HE'S done and what I (or 'you') supposedly haven't done. It's
the fucking 4th track and I'm already getting annoyed with this
three letter'd prick. The sheer audacity of his rhymes and claims makes me want
to kill some kittens, which is not a normal reaction when listening to music.
Next up a lesson on how to fucking drive on
the road. Because, you know, JME is obviously better than everyone because he's
made mistakes before and blah blah blah blah blah blah. Integrity? Bigheaditry
more like. I've listened to three fucking albums off this guy now and each one
his pissed me off more and more. I can't abide him.
So I stopped. For the second time ever I
stopped listening halfway through an album. JME's 'Integrity' may get better
after track five but I'll never know because I've had it with listening to this
smug prick's common sense life-lessons being spoken over some beat that he
cobbled together in a morning. I'm not doing it anymore. I've fucking integrity.
Fuck JME. Fuck serious. Fuck Boy Better
Know. Fuck your hired out German whips. Noticed you didn't put that lousy song
on the CD.